There are a great many disturbingly (yet at the same time, awesomely) true tales involving CK. If it wouldn’t be so grossly illegal to present these acts to a paying audience, I’d suggest making a musical of his life.

The West End and Broadway would both shut down, either from realising nothing they ever show again will top it or, more likely, from shame.
We would then move onto Las Vegas, but get thrown out of town for drunken disorderly behaviour a week before the opening show.

Chris Kent: The party was good. After running round campus, with a chick who was wearing all my army gear, I do a Sam Fisher — only dressed as Robin Hood.
CK: Got the drop on two people, scared the hell outta them!
Chris Spain: Sweet! Sounds like an awesome fancy dress party!
CK: Oh, it wasn’t fancy dress…