So apparently Diablo III had some pretty impressive sales on launch day, but I can’t help but feel that Blizzard could have raked even more cash if they’d brought me on to handle all their marketing and promotional stuff and jazz and junk.

Blizzard, hire me! I have so many great ideas to help you make even more cold, hard DiabloBucks™!
(My first idea is DiabloBucks™. Players can use them to buy stuff from the Auction Houses in Diablo III, but with the added benefit of having to go through an additional, extremely awkward points-oriented paywall. Also the points expire after a week. Call me.)

TRANSCRIPT
1.
Chris: So have you heard about the new line of beauty products they released with Diablo III?
Cam: What? No, that’s not a real thing.
Chris: No really, it’s true!
Cam: This is clearly just leading up to some dumb joke you’ve made up.
Chris: I swear it isn’t!
2.
Cam: Honestly?
Chris: Yeah! It’s a huge product tie-in thing. They even have a hair spray endorsed by Deckard Cain!
Cam: No way!
Chris: You haven’t seen even heard the slogan they’re using?
3.
[New from ScrudgeCo: Deckard Cain’s Enchanted Shine Hairspray]
Deckard Cain: Spray a vial, and glisten!